Am I rebelling??

Ottoke.. i just realise that im rebelling against myself rite now!! at first i thought it was nothing. i am happy as always. then, i realise..something is wrong with me.. definitely WRONG!! it's really scary cause no one can change it except my ownself. im such a cold-stone-heart person.

before, i use to talk to myself, like.. owh..u shouldnt do this nanachan.. its not good.. ahhh~.. today is really beautiful.. nanachan.. what's next.. and so on..so on.. cause i really love my ownself. and no one understand me better other than myself. like.. owh nanachan! u r a genius, how can u thought something like that!! and i will have a very big smile on my face cause of the praise comes form my very own mouth! hahahaha.. despite that, others' praise never affect me. i dont care about others' praise. it just goes like wind.

i used to walk alone, and talking to my ownself during that time is the best. its like having ur best friend besides you. and for your information, i dont have any best friends. just friends. i dont like to watch movies with others cause it will be more dramatic that way.. i dont do shopping with lots of people cause they cant stand the 'i-like-to-see-every-single-thing-first-before-buying' thing. hehe.. 


and back to the rebel thing, this week is the worst! i cannot control my ownself! the responsibility and burden is getting bigger by seconds.. yet i cannot do anything. my body and mind wont listen. Ottoke..ottoke..
the weird thing is, i dont get down.. or crying over it.. or seeking others for some advice.. my daily life is still the same. but i become blank, blur, empty, solemn maybe, dull, searching for dont know what in front of my lappy, fantasizing nothing, sleep, seems happy but actually not.


pathetic isn'it? aigooo nanachan.. u r a genius nanachan.. how can u be this low.. and that's why im writing all this. im just a bad..bad..bad..person. but no one believes.. well, its not my fault and im not covering this up. its just myself that can be switch on and off easily. its just this time, the switch is broken!


byeeeeeeeeeeeee............