loving myself today

today is the first time i cried because of my master degree. im already in my 6th semester which should be my final semester. yet, i dont know what have i done all these years..believe me, there's nothing!

i found an interesting quote while doing some googling to find the answer..
" The Dream Needs To Be Stronger than the Struggle" - author unknown

This person really knows the difficulties im facing.. for me master degree is really like this.. its more about myself... Its not about pressure coming from demanding professors on doing outside work.. its not about money.. no doubt that there are part of them.. but the major cause is...its about the death of curiosity..the death of self discipline..the death of enthusiasm..

ive always been ecstasy about study.. since my major is biology.. its all around me..the whole universe.. ive always wanted to search for more.. to know more.. the secrets..

then, i found another interesting quote, making me motivated all over again..
"A Good Dissertation is a Done Dissertation." Remember: it doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be done!"

i love all these people who make it easier for me to undersatnd, for me to unravel this uneasiness.. to unriddle this anxiety

one thing i get for me to move forward is this.. i hope and wish everyone who further their studies know bout this. i copied it from http://www.tadafinallyfinished.com/newsletter/2009/newsjan09B.htm

Commit to Do Something Every Day Towards Completing Your Degree

The single most important strategy is to make a commitment to work on your project every single day … and the minimum amount you should dedicate each day is 12-15 minutes. Making this type of commitment isn’t as difficult as you might think. The first step is to complete a comprehensive “task list” that includes every single item — large and small — that you will need to do in order to complete your degree.

Many of these items will fall under what we label “12-minute tasks,” such as creating the dedication, acknowledgement pages or table of contents for your dissertation, or sequencing figure numbers, table and appendices, formatting your document, or checking your bibliography against the citations in your document.

On days when you’re feeling a little less ambitious, work down your list until you reach one (or more!) of your tasks that can be completed in 12 minutes or less. No task is too small, and no item is too insignificant. Every action you take will move you closer to getting accomplishing your goal.

Each morning refer to your checklist and ask yourself, “What action can I take today to move my thesis or dissertation forward?” Resolve yourself to work on at least of those items each and every day. No task is too small, and no item — such as “creating the cover page” — is too insignificant. Come on, you can work for just 12 minutes! Simply set your watch, cell phone, microwave or timer and see what you can accomplish in that time frame.

interesting right!

i pray to Allah so that i AM finishing my master NO MATTER WHAT!

ok, see ya!

supposedly for my super duper hubby to be but naahhh..no need!

Qouting my dialog with my otouto. i always found myself cute at time like this! feeling good when liking my ownself.

one day, i saw my brother play some kind of online game in his laptop. he is soo immersed with it.

me: otouto, what r u playing?
otouto: dotA
me thinking "Owh, i need to learn bout this. guys must like this thing! i wanna play this with my hubby to be"
me: otouto, teach me! (excited face) i will play it offline as a beginner.
otouto: then, u will play with AI
me: what AI?
otouto: u will play against smart but not so smart opponent. means, when u attack they will retreat. yet they dont know how to sneak attack. (i love my otouto so much when he explained things to me earnestly. he didnt take me lightly. he never said, ala along... no need la.. u wont understand this thing..)
me: so..this game is about WAR!! BOOOORIIIINGGGG.... (after all the explaining..i answer like this! me bad.. oneechan..)
otouto: its not la oneechan.. this is the only game i play since age 17 till now.
me: WOW!

and we live happily ever after..hehe..

The end..

Am I rebelling??

Ottoke.. i just realise that im rebelling against myself rite now!! at first i thought it was nothing. i am happy as always. then, i realise..something is wrong with me.. definitely WRONG!! it's really scary cause no one can change it except my ownself. im such a cold-stone-heart person.

before, i use to talk to myself, like.. owh..u shouldnt do this nanachan.. its not good.. ahhh~.. today is really beautiful.. nanachan.. what's next.. and so on..so on.. cause i really love my ownself. and no one understand me better other than myself. like.. owh nanachan! u r a genius, how can u thought something like that!! and i will have a very big smile on my face cause of the praise comes form my very own mouth! hahahaha.. despite that, others' praise never affect me. i dont care about others' praise. it just goes like wind.

i used to walk alone, and talking to my ownself during that time is the best. its like having ur best friend besides you. and for your information, i dont have any best friends. just friends. i dont like to watch movies with others cause it will be more dramatic that way.. i dont do shopping with lots of people cause they cant stand the 'i-like-to-see-every-single-thing-first-before-buying' thing. hehe.. 


and back to the rebel thing, this week is the worst! i cannot control my ownself! the responsibility and burden is getting bigger by seconds.. yet i cannot do anything. my body and mind wont listen. Ottoke..ottoke..
the weird thing is, i dont get down.. or crying over it.. or seeking others for some advice.. my daily life is still the same. but i become blank, blur, empty, solemn maybe, dull, searching for dont know what in front of my lappy, fantasizing nothing, sleep, seems happy but actually not.


pathetic isn'it? aigooo nanachan.. u r a genius nanachan.. how can u be this low.. and that's why im writing all this. im just a bad..bad..bad..person. but no one believes.. well, its not my fault and im not covering this up. its just myself that can be switch on and off easily. its just this time, the switch is broken!


byeeeeeeeeeeeee............

new books..new life..

everytime i want to start anew, i buy new notebooks.. then i categorized each of them into different things; master, PEMBINA, ISMA, etc.. end up, i have lotsss of books halfway filled. haha.. such a weak heart i am.

and yesterday, i bought another 2 notebooks. i dont know what i should categorized them into. at first, i thought, i need one book for anything related to digital drawing. but then, i feel, it will be such a waste since drawing is not my main purpose of life. then, i said, lets make a new PEMBINA book. but then again, its an F5 book. so, the size is not so suitable. it should be at least an A4 size. for master also not suitable. there are only 80 pages including cover. not enough..not enough..

should i make another 'ANYTHING' book? i already got 2. and they were almost finished and wrecked. these 'UNCATEGORIZED' book were the most used books and the only book that was used from cover to cover.

the problem with the 'Anything' book is that i need to bring them everyday, everywhere, and everytime. it is so important that i might jot down anything that come to my mind or happened anytime. therefore, no..no..no.. 80 pages are too little. 


hmm, then, just make it into 'to do list' book! yay! got it! and, 'monthly calendar' book! easy then. Tq..tq..tq.. hehe..


bye..

My precious childhood song

Lagu rama-rama
Dari ulat jadi kepompong
Dia hidup dalam kelongsong
Cukup masa kepompong pecah POM!
Jadi rama-rama yang indah

Rama-rama terbang melata
Sungguh cantik aneka warna
Hisap madu di pohon bunga
Tapi sayang hidup tak lama

Begitulah hidup manusia
Tanpa iman dan juga taqwa
Pada Allah kita berdoa
Agar jadi insan mulia

Lagu labah-labah
Labah-labah cuba panjat perigi
Bila hujan turun labah cepat lari
Terbit matahari air tiada lagi
Labah cuba panjat sekali lagi

Lagu Pak Mujahid had a farm
Pak Mujahid had a farm.. i-ya-i-ya-oo..
In his farm he had a cow.. i-ya-i-ya-oo..
with the moo moo here.. moo moo there..
everywhere moo moo..
Pak Mujahid had a farm.. i-ya-i-ya-oo..
(followed by other types of animals)

digital drawing

First time meh!
i even created my own deviantart account. wowwee...
http://nanachan86.deviantart.com/

buhbye~

blabbering for today..

today, i forgot to bring my laptop. all i do is sleeping. instead of organizing my lab books, read journals that have been stacked in my drawer since i start working, i just stare at them. i dont know why. but i really dont have the mood to read them. am i really qualified to do master like this?! what has been stopping me all this while? what's been blocking me? i scribble around and jot down something, then i sleep again. wake up..jot down something.. sleep again. 

i thought to myself, thank god that we as a human had the urge to go to the toilet. if not, i will just sitting like a dead person at my desk. what's even more, as a muslim, u can can exercise 5 times a day through your solah! therefore, im still alive.

if not, im really2 like a dead person. u know y? the coldness might freeze u to death. sometimes, i dont even dare to breath at the hallway. even when i bring my food inside the office or drink my hot chocolate, i try my best not to think the effect on my food even though im not in the lab.

i dont know why but the place have done some brainwashing without me realizing it. i feel lke i will be shrunk and wrinkled in times.. hehe.. 

still, im here, working and waiting for my salary. huhu~

well, right now im writing my blog. isn'it suprising? im not bluffing ok! im using my officemate lappy. at least my hand do some warm up even in a limited time. 

chao~

me d' introvert gurl with her own world n fantasy

before, i dont like dealing with people. not because i hate them. its because i dont know how to act with people around. all i know is to smile. coz for me, once i speak, people will hate me. im scared to make mistakes. i hate hearing ringtones (others or even my own), doorbell, interview, public speaking, spontaneous questions, netball, volleyball, paying money at the outlets, etc2..

im content with internet, headphone, silent mode of my handphone, puzzle solving games, comics, silently and secretly blog-hopping, making a novel of fantasy inside my head, seeing the world differently as i walk alone to avoid the butterfly in d stomach till it becomes a habit (which makes me can never remember the road..huh..)

when i saw the photo album when i was a child, im always with my mom, or my granny or alone. no friends. just my cousins. my social networking is so small since i was young. i dont remember my friends or stories happened in my kindergarten days. all i know, i always wait for my mum to get home. 

futhermore, i was in the same school (pimary n secondary) with the same friends from standard 1 to form 5! 10 years!! n its a private school. we dont really get the opportunity to do friendly games with other govt. school evenmore that im not that brilliant n active at the same time. ive always wondered what i will be in the future. maybe a freak. hehe..

thankfully and gratefully, i'm involved in jamaah. ive always said to myself, eventhough u might be a BLACKHOLE to ur jamaah, just stay put! eventhough u r just a stone, eventhough u r just a tiny little barnacle at the bottom of the ship, just stick there. coz u r d one who need jamaah, u r d one who need da'wah. 

ive changed a lot now. eventhough u cant really change the way u r, but im becoming a better person. i can give talk to a few people (still, not in public. ok!), i can answer calls without trembling, i can make calls ( this is a really hard thing for me), i like kids now, i try to be d first one to say hi when stumbled across anyone. i can buy things on my own (still, im afraid to buy things at fast food restaurant. weird ha!).

this is just a small side of me that have changed. there's a lot more. its just that it might be a bit too much. so, just let it be till here. tiny little things but precious to me.

still, my introvert self is not a bad thing either. ive strengthen them to make sure i use both parts of my brain. i involved myself with anything that got to do with media. i can go in front of a crowd by holding a camera. i can ask audience question as i am the interviewer ( this is still a bit hard to do!).

For me, Allah had always known what's best for me. Everytime, He put me in the right place at the right time eventhough im a really bad 'abid to HIM. it's just me to use whatever is laid in front of me wisely. 

that all for now, bla..bla..bla..

art of the day..draw..draw..n draw..

Islam is PEACE! Yo!

Under the sakura tree, praying for peace..

reminiscing the old days

Bismillah~

It's been a while since i last use this blog. well, this is not the only blog i got anyway. but, they all got their own purpose and reason. and this is the place where i would like to blabber anything, everything about! hehe..

and everything here is personal! nothing to do with others! i say what i want.. i say what i feel.. i say whatever i think.. and im always full of myself, which is why im so self centered. sometimes, its not because of my ignorance but it's because im so unique that no one understand me better than myself and of course Allah azza wajalla..

my greed, ive always wanted everything by doing nothing.. as lazy as i can be, ive always realize that im a multitask kind of person. the 'aql that Allah gave me makes me thinks profusely in such a short amount of time. to use this efficiently, i practice last minute work! ;) what an excuse.. haha..

bla..bla..bla.. actually, what i really want to say today is that i reminisce a lot of my old time lately, my school days to be specific. especially in my secondary school, SMI Hira'. ive always thought that i wont miss those time. cause there's nothing to be remembered about. nothing special. its just like a routine. you go to school..learn something.. do xm.. n get out of there.. n continue ur life till now. 

yet, i was totally wrong! i am today because of what ive been through before. as i remember myself correctly, before, im a very assobiyah person. for me, hira' is the best. no one can beat hira'. i even said to myself, i will go to University of Hira' which is not even exist till now! haha.. that's how i love so much my school. 

when i enter nilam puri foundation, there's one student who is a bit 'alim. lots of the girls says to me, owh.. i love this guy.. he reads quran very well, he is so well mannered..good looking..and  as arrogant as i can be, with my nose up, i say to her, heh, that's nothing! at my school, u can find 10 guys like him and they are better. they can even speak arabic fluently. and i will never introduce them to you..cause the only girl that suits them are hira' students themselves! fuyoooohhh...even i did not believe myself saying this! but this is the truth!! this thing really makes me smile nowadays. 

i was once a librarian during my school time. its never been something that im proud with. at times, i even forgot that i was a librarian. i only remember them when i need to submit my resume. thats all. but im once again mistaken! as a librarian, besides doing those cores with the books, i get to receive the newspaper first hand before anyone else can read. my job is to cover aurah-revealed pics with marker. what an amazing job ive done before! i dont think any other school did this. pics of people with their hair revealed i cover it with hijab. page with advertisement showing too much of a female figure, i throw it away. waaahhhh.. so proud of those time. never thought a librarian can be this angelic. hehe..

well, i think thats all for now. wait for another stories of my school many..many.. month from now. haha..