loving myself today

today is the first time i cried because of my master degree. im already in my 6th semester which should be my final semester. yet, i dont know what have i done all these years..believe me, there's nothing!

i found an interesting quote while doing some googling to find the answer..
" The Dream Needs To Be Stronger than the Struggle" - author unknown

This person really knows the difficulties im facing.. for me master degree is really like this.. its more about myself... Its not about pressure coming from demanding professors on doing outside work.. its not about money.. no doubt that there are part of them.. but the major cause is...its about the death of curiosity..the death of self discipline..the death of enthusiasm..

ive always been ecstasy about study.. since my major is biology.. its all around me..the whole universe.. ive always wanted to search for more.. to know more.. the secrets..

then, i found another interesting quote, making me motivated all over again..
"A Good Dissertation is a Done Dissertation." Remember: it doesn't have to be perfect; it just has to be done!"

i love all these people who make it easier for me to undersatnd, for me to unravel this uneasiness.. to unriddle this anxiety

one thing i get for me to move forward is this.. i hope and wish everyone who further their studies know bout this. i copied it from http://www.tadafinallyfinished.com/newsletter/2009/newsjan09B.htm

Commit to Do Something Every Day Towards Completing Your Degree

The single most important strategy is to make a commitment to work on your project every single day … and the minimum amount you should dedicate each day is 12-15 minutes. Making this type of commitment isn’t as difficult as you might think. The first step is to complete a comprehensive “task list” that includes every single item — large and small — that you will need to do in order to complete your degree.

Many of these items will fall under what we label “12-minute tasks,” such as creating the dedication, acknowledgement pages or table of contents for your dissertation, or sequencing figure numbers, table and appendices, formatting your document, or checking your bibliography against the citations in your document.

On days when you’re feeling a little less ambitious, work down your list until you reach one (or more!) of your tasks that can be completed in 12 minutes or less. No task is too small, and no item is too insignificant. Every action you take will move you closer to getting accomplishing your goal.

Each morning refer to your checklist and ask yourself, “What action can I take today to move my thesis or dissertation forward?” Resolve yourself to work on at least of those items each and every day. No task is too small, and no item — such as “creating the cover page” — is too insignificant. Come on, you can work for just 12 minutes! Simply set your watch, cell phone, microwave or timer and see what you can accomplish in that time frame.

interesting right!

i pray to Allah so that i AM finishing my master NO MATTER WHAT!

ok, see ya!

supposedly for my super duper hubby to be but naahhh..no need!

Qouting my dialog with my otouto. i always found myself cute at time like this! feeling good when liking my ownself.

one day, i saw my brother play some kind of online game in his laptop. he is soo immersed with it.

me: otouto, what r u playing?
otouto: dotA
me thinking "Owh, i need to learn bout this. guys must like this thing! i wanna play this with my hubby to be"
me: otouto, teach me! (excited face) i will play it offline as a beginner.
otouto: then, u will play with AI
me: what AI?
otouto: u will play against smart but not so smart opponent. means, when u attack they will retreat. yet they dont know how to sneak attack. (i love my otouto so much when he explained things to me earnestly. he didnt take me lightly. he never said, ala along... no need la.. u wont understand this thing..)
me: so..this game is about WAR!! BOOOORIIIINGGGG.... (after all the explaining..i answer like this! me bad.. oneechan..)
otouto: its not la oneechan.. this is the only game i play since age 17 till now.
me: WOW!

and we live happily ever after..hehe..

The end..

Am I rebelling??

Ottoke.. i just realise that im rebelling against myself rite now!! at first i thought it was nothing. i am happy as always. then, i realise..something is wrong with me.. definitely WRONG!! it's really scary cause no one can change it except my ownself. im such a cold-stone-heart person.

before, i use to talk to myself, like.. owh..u shouldnt do this nanachan.. its not good.. ahhh~.. today is really beautiful.. nanachan.. what's next.. and so on..so on.. cause i really love my ownself. and no one understand me better other than myself. like.. owh nanachan! u r a genius, how can u thought something like that!! and i will have a very big smile on my face cause of the praise comes form my very own mouth! hahahaha.. despite that, others' praise never affect me. i dont care about others' praise. it just goes like wind.

i used to walk alone, and talking to my ownself during that time is the best. its like having ur best friend besides you. and for your information, i dont have any best friends. just friends. i dont like to watch movies with others cause it will be more dramatic that way.. i dont do shopping with lots of people cause they cant stand the 'i-like-to-see-every-single-thing-first-before-buying' thing. hehe.. 


and back to the rebel thing, this week is the worst! i cannot control my ownself! the responsibility and burden is getting bigger by seconds.. yet i cannot do anything. my body and mind wont listen. Ottoke..ottoke..
the weird thing is, i dont get down.. or crying over it.. or seeking others for some advice.. my daily life is still the same. but i become blank, blur, empty, solemn maybe, dull, searching for dont know what in front of my lappy, fantasizing nothing, sleep, seems happy but actually not.


pathetic isn'it? aigooo nanachan.. u r a genius nanachan.. how can u be this low.. and that's why im writing all this. im just a bad..bad..bad..person. but no one believes.. well, its not my fault and im not covering this up. its just myself that can be switch on and off easily. its just this time, the switch is broken!


byeeeeeeeeeeeee............

new books..new life..

everytime i want to start anew, i buy new notebooks.. then i categorized each of them into different things; master, PEMBINA, ISMA, etc.. end up, i have lotsss of books halfway filled. haha.. such a weak heart i am.

and yesterday, i bought another 2 notebooks. i dont know what i should categorized them into. at first, i thought, i need one book for anything related to digital drawing. but then, i feel, it will be such a waste since drawing is not my main purpose of life. then, i said, lets make a new PEMBINA book. but then again, its an F5 book. so, the size is not so suitable. it should be at least an A4 size. for master also not suitable. there are only 80 pages including cover. not enough..not enough..

should i make another 'ANYTHING' book? i already got 2. and they were almost finished and wrecked. these 'UNCATEGORIZED' book were the most used books and the only book that was used from cover to cover.

the problem with the 'Anything' book is that i need to bring them everyday, everywhere, and everytime. it is so important that i might jot down anything that come to my mind or happened anytime. therefore, no..no..no.. 80 pages are too little. 


hmm, then, just make it into 'to do list' book! yay! got it! and, 'monthly calendar' book! easy then. Tq..tq..tq.. hehe..


bye..